"I knew I made mistakes, I'm living life day to day..
It's never really easy but it's okay"

Lately, i talked to God for the words i cannot speak. I want to tell him everything, all the things my heart longs to say. I want to cry, but not even a single teardrop fall. I know I had been a bad liar, and my reasons aren't reasonable enough. I made a lot of mistakes though i know it wasn't right. And now I'm guilty for doing so.

There are I times when I thought they don't understand me, because even if i explain, they won't listen..and there are times, i think they don't believe me. I know it's my fault, i always choose to do what makes me happy without even thinking of the consequences of my action.

I thanked God for being there. For being the one who understands when no one believes me..for listening when no one wants to listen. I know I'm not worthy but he's all i can lean upon. There's nowhere to go because he's already there. I know I'm forgiven for I confessed everything to him..and I know he loves me, I may not see it but i can feel it.

undeniable truth

unspoken words i could never say and wouldn't be able to say..maybe it's better just this way. No more tears but i still want to cry. I cannot say I'm happy now because there are moments i still feel the emptiness inside. i don't know why, a lot of things keeps running in my mind..and even though i tried not to think too much, thoughts just pops on and off my head. It was really hard to deal on perplex situations, complications and frustrations..that sometimes, i want to break down.

How can i forgive? i want to but i can't..and everytime i see that person, it just makes me hate him more and more.

I cannot blame myself because it wasn't my fault..not even God for allowing things like that to happen. But what should I do? So i pray every night hoping things would work out fine.

life's good

the time is running and so things are changing. .but I like the way my life is going. After one hell week of school, graveyard nights of study, it felt so good now that its over.

2 days to go, and it'll be my very special day. I'm not expecting anything but i hope I'll be happy. .not for the material things that i will be receiving but for the simple presents coming from the hearts of the people i love. As long as my friends are there and the most important people in my life, that will what can really make me happy.

i don't want to ask for more, for i already have the best of everything i have.

i don't know what to do, 'cause i don't have a clue.

im not fine today.. or maybe im just a little unwell.
i cried yesterday. i dont know how long could i be able to keep that little secret. only me and someone close to my heart knows that we know about it. about that thing they never told us even before i was born. my parents and a few knew about it. .and hide it. .and i know for certain that they are not going to reveal it. a long forgotten past, w/c nobody would bother to remember or would even try to talk about.
im lucky to know the truth, but it hurts me a lot. i wish i never knew it.. because i cannot take it away from my memory. everytime i remember about it, i cant help myself but felt that bitterness,..i think i have said so much. i made a promise not talk about it and not to tell it to anyone., and im not breaking my promise. its a secret that should be kept, not revealed. even if it makes me sad, i'll keep quiet for the better.
im just doing what i know is right. i dont want to hurt somebody's feeling. and i dont have the right and the strength to do it. only time can heal the wounds, but the scar will still remain. life isn't always fair.

thoughts..

I choose this place to utter my feelings and to express my hidden thoughts that lies deep down my soul. I don't know why I find it hard to trust anyone else and tell them how I feel. .

i have always been good on lying, that a lot of times, its sounds so true..and so i felt a little guilt inside.

on the the other side. .
three days from now my father will be back home. I must be very happy. ,but i don't know why I'm not.

there must be something wrong about me, and i can't figure it out.

pretty boy

I saw him again. I wasn't expecting to see him there. I pretend not to see him. Then he's gone. But while I was walking, I saw him in a distant..He's staring at me. and when our eyes met, he smiled at me, then I smiled back. How I wish time would stop.. I don't know why i felt something unusual whenever he's there. I can't ignore his glances and stares. I don't even know why is this happening to me. . but somehow, I want it that way..

that girl

that girl was a one time teenage drama queen. A hot, tough everyday wannabe. .But she'll have changed her destiny. Now she's a somebody. That girl was a wild child dreamer but she found herself, 'Cause she believes in nothin' else. .And you'll look back and you won't believe.
That girl was me.